he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
