Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
