ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
