He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
