You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
