there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No subtext here. People are naked.
You're like the curious george of whores
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
