I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
