yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
