I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
