dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
