I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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