WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
