Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
