Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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