dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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