How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
