How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
