Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he shaved USA in his pubs
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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