he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
