I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
