This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
