apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
