your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Found your dick twin last night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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