Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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