Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
