im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
