Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
