thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
