Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
