Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
