hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
where are my eyebrows?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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