the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
