we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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