he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
