I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
