this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
