Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
