He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
