I got chris browned last night
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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