maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
