I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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