I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
