Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
