While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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