I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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