Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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