im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
