It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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