my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
