I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
