I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
